Peeking Between the Pages

...escape into the pages of a good book

Guest Post with Phyllis Schieber, Author of Willing Spirits

by

We’re very pleased here today at Peeking Between the Pages to have Phyllis Schieber guest post for us on her blog tour for Promo 101 Virtual Blog Tours. She’s the author of Willing Spirits and you can see my review here. In addition, you can check out other blog stops here. Let’s read on to see what she has to share with us…

I am one of those people who prefers her own company to the company of others. It is not a new realization, but it is one I still have to defend. Most people simply cannot comprehend the concept of solitude. In fact, I think solitude is somewhat frightening to the average soul. I always knew I liked to be alone, but I sensed that others were wary of my proclivity, almost to the point of concern. I simply maintained that you don’t need company to enjoy a good book or to listen to music. And you surely don’t need company to write, quite the opposite. Solitude is essential not only to the process, but also to the preliminary thinking stage. Solitude is the conduit for creativity. I am certain of it.
It is always a challenge for me to explain to others that I do not much care for socializing. I feel that I have finally earned the right to be myself. I have become quite forthright about my needs. This is not to say that I do not have friends, or that I do not enjoy the occasional dinner with a girlfriend or a group of girlfriends, or even with another couple. Nor does it mean that I do not savor the time I spend with my son when he is home or enjoy a weekend movie and dinner with my husband. It does mean, however, that when I have a day to spend alone, I am delighted. I anticipate a day that I do not have to leave home either to see a student or to keep a dental appointment or even to have my hair cut as an opportunity to luxuriate in my solitude. I can drink coffee and write. I don’t have to “get ready” to do anything. I can write all day, not answer the telephone unless I want to (thank goodness for Caller ID), and even eat sardines out of a tin if I get hungry and don’t want to stop working for too long to eat. I can take a short nap, ride my stationary bike, shower late in the day, and do most anything I want without interference or commentary.

I am a solitary creature. I think most writers, most artists need solitude to thrive. Regrettably, the rest of society finds it strange that not everyone likes to party, or even to “get together” on a regular basis. I hate parties. I avoid them whenever possible. My friends, who know me and seem to love me in spite of my proclivity for solitude, like to tease me when after an hour or so at a function, I begin to longingly eye the front door. “Not bad,” one will say to the other. “She made it for 90 minutes.” Ninety minutes is very good in the world I inhabit. It’s not that I don’t love my friends or that I don’t want to be invited anywhere (Remember that wonderful line in film The Hours when Virginia Woolf finds out that she hasn’t been invited to some family function, and she says, “Even crazy people want to be invited.” I’m with her on that!). I just want people to understand that it’s acceptable not to be interested in socializing.

I see almost everything as a distraction from my work. Therefore, I am selective about what I choose to do and the people I choose to do it with. I have developed a sort of catch phrase that I now use when new people attempt to bring me into their lives. I have wonderful friends, and I do not know what I would do without them. But I feel as if my “dance card” is full. Occasionally, I meet new people, and they suggest dinner, you know, couples getting together, or even worse, an afternoon or evening with just me, and I have to say, quite simply, “Thank you, but I don’t do that.” People seem to be in disbelief when I say that. Typically, they laugh. “No, but really,” is the most common response. I have had situations in which people have become persistent. “What do you mean? Everyone likes parties.” In fact, that’s not at all true.

Yesterday, I was with a student who had to write an NPR “This I Believe” essay. We mulled over possible topics. We brainstormed. Finally, she chose to write about society’s perceptions and her belief that most everyone has unreasonable expectations. As we talked, she asked me to tell her something that others might not immediately assume about me. I said, half-teasing, “I’m anti-social.” She looked at me in disbelief. “No, you’re not,” she said. When I asked her why she found that so hard to believe, she said, “Well, you just don’t seem like someone who likes to be alone.” We talked then about her perceptions of what someone who likes to be alone would be like. Happily, I didn’t fit her profile. Nevertheless, I will continue to defend and extol my preference for solitude even if it is difficult to achieve. In spite of my penchant for solitude, I’m going with my husband this evening to hear my late friend Bette’s son’s band—JMB—Jaik Miller Band–play at a club all the way in downtown New York, meet my nephew there, take him out for dinner, and then tomorrow take my goddaughter and her husband and their twin two-and-a-half-year-olds to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for the twins’ first foray into the world of culture. Through it all, I will continue to dream of solitude and more time to write.
__________
About Willing Spirits:

Jane Hoffman and Gwen Baker, both teachers and in their forties, have a friendship that helps them endure. Years after Gwen is abandoned and left to raise two sons alone, she finds herself in love with a married man. After Jane is humiliated by her husband’s infidelity and Gwen must face her own uncertain path, the two women turn to each other.

Now, as each is tested by personal crisis, Jane and Gwen face new challenges—as mothers, as daughters, as lovers. And in the process, they will learn unexpected truths about their friendship—and themselves.
__________
About Author Phyllis Schieber:

The first great irony of my life was that I was born in a Catholic hospital. My parents, survivors of the Holocaust, had settled in the South Bronx among other new immigrants. In the mid-fifties, my family moved to Washington Heights. The area offered scenic views of the Hudson River and the Palisades, as well as access to Fort Tryon Park and the mysteries of the Cloisters. I graduated from George Washington High School. I graduated from high school at sixteen, went on to Bronx Community College, transferred to and graduated from Herbert H. Lehman College with a B.A. in English and a New York State license to teach English. I earned my M.A. in Literature from New York University and later my M.S. as a developmental specialist from Yeshiva University. I have worked as a high school English teacher and as a learning disabilities specialist. My first novel , Strictly Personal, for young adults, was published by Fawcett-Juniper. Willing Spirits was published by William Morrow. My most recent novel, The Sinner’s Guide to Confession, was released by Berkley Putnam. In March 2009, Berkley Putnam will issue the first paperback publication of Willing Spirits.
__________
Win A Free Book from Phyllis Schieber – Free books will be awarded during the tour.Each comment on any of the blogs in the tour will offer a chance to win a free copy of Willing Spirits or Sinner’s Guide to Confession. A couple of people who make a real impression on Phyllis during the tour will be chosen to win a free book. We’ll see you on the virtual blog tour trail.

For full details about Phyllis Schieber’s virtual tour, visit her tour home page – http://virtualblogtour.blogspot.com/2009/01/willing-spirits-by-phyllis-schieber.html

Order Your Copy here – Penguin Publishers : http://us.penguingroup.com/Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/cjkdk8
You can visit Phyllis Schieber at http://www.phyllisschieber.blogspot.com/
__________

Thanks so much for joining us here at Peeking Between the Pages today Phyllis. I thoroughly enjoyed your book and look forward to reading your first one, Sinner’s Guide to Confession. I look forward to what comes next. Good luck!
Share this post!
Share

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I am impressed that Phyllis can say no to people, this is something I have always struggled with. Friends often say ‘no is not in my vocabulary’. I would love to take a leaf out of her book!

  2. Interesting post. I enjoy my solitude, but I love to socialize too. I like a good balance of the two. Maybe that’s why I’m not very creative.

  3. That was a great post! I am still undecided as to whether i like company better or my solitude. Sometimes, I can’t get enough of having people around me and sometimes there’s nothing that i would like better than just me, myself!

  4. Scrap girl: Don’t be too impressed! I still struggle with saying no, but I find it gets easier and easier, especially with people I have just met or with people I really don’t want to share my time with. My friends love and accept me by now, so that makes it easier to say no to them.

    bermudaonion: Nothing wrong with balance!

    Hi Ramya! I always, always prefer solitude even if the choice is being with people I love…and they know it!

  5. I loved your review. The mother-daughter relationships sound very interesting. I lost my Mom to cancer just a month agao. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve picked up the telephone just to chat with her!!

  6. MJ: I lost my mother in December. My sympathies to you. I wrote a guest post at my previous stop about loss that you might like to read. You can see it on my tour schedule. Loss and change seem to define our lives, don’t you think?

  7. I’m kind of a solitary person too and always have been so I definitely know what you’re talking about!

  10. I can really identify with Phyllis, I prefer to be alone and most people dont understand that. My family really puts presure on my to get out and date and attend parties. It is not my thing. I would love a chance to read her book. Please include me in your giveaway.
    Thanks
    Debbie
    debdesk9@verizon.net

  11. Hi Bridget! Thanks for stopping by here anyway.

    Debs Desk: Your family is just worried about you. It is, however, possible to meet like minded people, but you won’t meet them in your room! I enjoy a movie and dinner after a day of writing–at home with my husband or out. You can meet someone who respects your need for solitude. I hope you will read WILLING SPIRITS and enjoy it!

  13. As an only child I grew up loving solitude. Curling up on my bed, reading a book and listening to music was heaven. I have young children so my solitude only goes from 8:30 AM to 3:30 PM, but I still enjoy it anyway. There’s nothing like getting caught up on all of my housework and spending a day doing what I want!

  14. Hi Janel: I wasn’t an only child, but I always loved my solitude. As a mother, I also remember how precious a little solitude could be in the middle of a busy week.

    bridget3420: Let me know how amazing you think it is after you read it!

  15. What a wonderful guest post! I can relate to Phyllis in many ways. For some reason, I am finding myself craving solitude more in my 40’s. I was much more social in my younger years. Now, I prefer solitude or simple and quiet times with family and friends. I am not into the party scene at all. I posted in yesterday’s comments that I also have found finding true and authentic friends in my
    40’s much more challenging as well, so it just may be my season of life! I do have a young son while many women my age have kids in college so there are some generational differences.

    Dar, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your review yesterday as well as Phyllis Shieber’s guest post today. It’s been very thought provoking as well. I think that I would enjoy the author’s books and I plan to read them both! Thanks so much for sharing them with us.

  16. Hi Red lady-Bonnie! I’m so glad you enjoyed my post. If you prefer solitude in your forties, wait until you’re in your fifties! I look forward to hearing from you after you read my work. Stay in touch!

  17. Head on over to A Novel Menagerie in the Sunday Salon Post and pick up your award, chickie!

  18. So interesting! I’m a solitary soul, too, so can fully understand how she feels!

    Thanks for always posting such intriguing material!

    Enjoy your week. I hope it’s filled with many books!

  19. Hi Linda, Always happy to hear from another solitary soul mate! I hope you will read WILLING SPIRITS and enjoy it. Cute baby!

  20. I, too, have become more solitary. I prefer to spend my free time hiking through the nearby wildlife refuge, with camera in hand, waiting for a unique photo opportunity. Not long ago, I came across a beautiful scene of dozens of swans resting on a bright blue lake. I took a few shots from a distance and as I moved in closer, they began taking off. I started snapping my camera as quickly as I could and got several pictures of the water swirling under their wings.

  21. Hi LuAnn! Apparently, the swans prefer solitude as well!
    It sounds like a beautiful photo. Thanks fro stopping by and sharing.

  22. I loved Phyllis’s stand on solitude. I too look forward to the times I have that it is just me…no one else is around and there are no expectations put on MY time. Excellent guest post!

  23. I enjoyed reading more about Phyllis and also, thanks for the great review, Dar!

    BTW, I’ve passed you an award! 🙂

  24. Thanks, Staci, enjoy your time alone.

    Melody: I’m glad you enjoyed the post.

    Dar: Thanks for hosting me!

  25. Well at least she is honest which is something a lot of people can’t say.

    I enjoy both solitude and being with friends. I am totally comfortable by myself.

    Great post and the comments are intersting too!

  28. Hi Naida! I hope you will read WILLING SPIRITS . . . you can do it while you’re alone! Enjoy!

  29. I have issues with saying no to people as well. I love socializing and being alone. This was a great post.

  31. Phyllis, again thanks for being so diligent answering the comments. It’s just so great. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother.

    Viv, I used to have trouble saying no but I’ve gotten much better at it. lol.

    Kathy, you’re lucky you’re a balance between solitude and socializing. I definitely lean towards solitude. Always did. Sometimes I think it’s the result of growing up an only child.

    Ramya, I still think I’m my best company. lol. I don’t have to shoo myself out of the house when I want to go to bed.

    MJ, I’m so sorry…

    Tink, maybe that’s why we love reading so much. It’s such a solitary hobby most of the time. I’m sure that’s why I love it so much.

    Debs Desk, that sounds a lot like my life too. My family is always saying how I need to get out more but the thing is I’m perfectly happy staying in cuddled up with a good book and the dog. For some reason, people do seem to have a real problem understanding that.

    Janel, I had just mentioned that above. I think being an only child is the reason I like solitude so much. It’s just been a way of life for me really.

    Bonnie, I too was much more social when I was younger. Then in my late twenties it just changed all of a sudden and I preferred hanging out at home reading and relaxing. Not sure why, it just did. I’m not one for loud parties or bars either so that contributes to liking the quiet a great deal.

    Linda, I’ve really been surprised reading the comments and finding so many people like myself who like being a solitary soul. It’s made me feel much better about liking to be alone myself.

    LuAnn, that sounds like a wonderful way to spend time.

    Staci, that’s what I like best about solitude-no demands at all. You’re free to do what you want, when you want. That just makes me feel peaceful.

    Melody, thanks and thanks for the award. I appreciate it 🙂

    Jenny, thanks. The comments have really been great.

    Naida, I imagine with kids you really value your alone time when you can get it. Now with Diego things must be really crazy. lol.

    Serena, you know earlier I said I have no trouble saying no but I should revise that because I do have trouble saying no to more books and buying more books and entering to win more books. lol.