Dear Almost by Matthew Thorburn is a book-length poem that Matthew wrote that is addressed to his unborn child that was lost in a miscarriage. The book journeys through the four seasons with Matthew trying to show his unborn daughter what life is like – trying to show her all she has missed because she isn’t there with them. His words are very emotional and powerful to read and they touched my heart deeply.
He asks many questions but one in particular sticks with me. How do you love someone you never met? And how do you grieve or for how long? Personally I think everyone is different and you should never be ashamed of how you feel. When the tour for this book came up I wanted to read it because a very close friend of mine experienced a still birth and I was there with her and her husband. I can understand grieving for someone who never was. They are always a part of your life even when the memory of them dims with time.
There are many pieces within this book I’d love to share but instead chose a few excerpts…
“Keep growing,” I prayed–those were my words, forgetting how long ago I gave up on prayers, still willing and pleading with whomever might hear me to listen, thinking if we don’t have faith–or if not faith, not even that, then hope, simple hope–then our hands are empty. We walk in the dark. Pale shadow on the sonogram, pearl button we’ve fastened our deepest wish to–we are knocking on your wall. Please, little heart, knock back.
So give me a sign if you’re out there, if you’re the light swaying, swinging between trees, that light growing faint, drifting deeper into the shadowy woods, if you’re that pale glow between the elms and alders.
We’ve had our time together. I wanted you to see the snow. I wanted to show you these days, what life is like. It scares me I can no longer picture your face, which was only ever my memory of my imagining of how your face might look someday–not enough to hold onto.
This is a beautifully written book full of sadness and grief but I didn’t find it depressing. I just found it beautiful and well worth reading for poetry lovers. Please join me on the blog tomorrow as Matthew shares a guest post and a giveaway of a copy of his book to a lucky winner!