Peeking Between the Pages
...escape into the pages of a good book
I wanted to take a moment today to remember my little Buddy who I lost last year. I hope nobody thinks it a strange thing to do – it was just something I felt the need to do for myself.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him and I will love my little man always. He left a huge space in my life and I hope I get to see him one day again…
I miss you Buddy … Love Mommy.
One day 8 years and 5 months ago I walked into a pet store to find myself my very first dog. I walked over to the where the dogs were and there were these two gorgeous little black balls of fluff. The black balls of fluff were brother and sister and as I walked up to the cage I looked right into the eyes of the one who had both paws up on the window looking up at me. The clerk got him for me and put him in my arms- he snuggled in – and that’s how the little black ball of fluff named Buddy came to be my best friend and the true love of my life.
Those of you who read my blog regularly have seen so many pictures of Buddy over the years and were treated to stories as well. You also know that in April of this year he became sick – he had both kidney and liver failure- he didn’t have a chance right from the beginning. In September he spent some days getting IV fluids all day in the hopes of flushing his system so that he’d start eating again. Then we started doing SubQ fluids to keep him hydrated along with his meds. He started eating some – not enough – but it was enough that my hopes soared. The only problem is that with kidney/liver problems eating causes the waste levels to go up in the blood. So Buddy started to feel sick again from eating and consequently stopped again.
This past Sunday he started really not feeling good. He was breathing funny and just not himself. I took him to the vet on Monday and they made sure he was stable- I then saw my vet on Tuesday. The bad news came that day – the best thing I could do for my little man would be to put him down. He wasn’t going to get better no matter what else I tried and the only thing keeping him alive was the fluids. He had already lost a lot of weight – he went from a chubby 19 lb dog to 12.4 lbs by the end. I knew that the vet was right in my heart – since April my little man had lost his spunk and spark. He didn’t want to play anymore or have treats. At first his weight loss was gradual but this past week it wasn’t. I saw the changes happening over these months – I just wanted to pretend they weren’t there until I really couldn’t ignore them.
It was with an extremely heavy heart that I took my baby boy in last night to be put down. The night before he had such a bad night – he whimpered and cried most of the night. The vet told me to bring him in right away and he’d have a look at him and again told me that there was nothing I could do to make it better. He told me I had already done anything and everything possible to give my baby a bit more time. I had decided to take him home for the day and that was probably selfish because he would whimper and cry when he’d move or we’d pick him up. The night before and yesterday were horrible and I could not let him go through that again even though I didn’t want to let him go. We took him in the evening and I asked the vet again if he was sure I was doing the right thing and he said yes again. It was peaceful for Buddy- he actually licked my tears and kissed me before – something he hadn’t felt like doing this past week. I will never be able to forget though – it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and even though I know I did what was best for him, I still feel guilty for doing it and wish I hadn’t. I’m glad I got to hold him through to the very end and I really hope he knew I was there still loving him.
My heart is broken. I hurt so bad that I can barely function – I never thought that anything could hurt as bad as this does. More than anything in this world I want my little Buddy back. I want to hold him in my arms again and kiss him. I want him back as he was -happy and healthy- the puppy I’ve shared all these years with you. I’m not yet sure how to go on without him. The house is empty and everywhere you look you can see Buddy. I’ve cried so many tears that I would think there were none left but there are.
I have to say a special thank you to my Page Turner friends. We started out as a book club many, many years ago and have gone from that to just best friends. So many of them have supported me with their love over the miles yesterday and today and for that I am very grateful. My bloggy friends who have come to mean so much to me – Staci, Kaye, Carla, Janel, Bonnie, Heather – you are awesome ladies and friends. Thank you so much for your continued emails of support. I have a special thank you to an author who has become a friend – Helen Hollick – you are a lifesaver my friend and I appreciate your care and support more than words can say.
I had to say good bye to my best friend last night. I don’t think I’ll ever heal right now and I don’t know how I’m going to live without Buddy. I never had kids – he was my kid and I loved him with abandon. I gave every ounce of love I had and more to him and I got it back tenfold. I will and do miss him more than words can possibly express. He will be in my heart forever and at this point I just want him back. I want to be able to hold him in my arms one more time and kiss him.
I hope you are in peace and no longer in pain Buddy. I miss you so much and I love you so much it hurts. You were my best friend, my little man and my special angel. I will love you forever and I hope I get to see you one day again…Mommy.
A week sure can fly by quickly these days. Before you know it another week has gone by. It’s hard to believe but we are getting awfully close to November and winter is definitely in the air here. It’s getting pretty cold already. Poor little Buddy doesn’t seem to be taking to the cold too well this year. He’s lost all his body fat and gets cold really quickly. I put his coat on but still he gets cold. I’m going to have to see if I can pick up a sweater for him to keep him warm even in the house. For now I just throw his blanket on him.
Not too much happening here. I started giving Buddy IV fluids at home myself. It’s not too bad. It’s called SubQ fluids and I just put in the IV needle under his skin and give him his fluids and meds through the IV. Thank God I’m not squeamish about giving needles or I would have had a problem. That kind of stuff has never really bothered me although I hate getting a blood test myself and have to lay down. He’s much calmer getting them at home anyway – he lays down till they’re done. This week he had one good day where he ate pretty good and now he’s gone back to bad days – he hasn’t eaten well in a couple of days again. I’m hoping today will be better for him.
On the reading front I have a few reviews coming up this week – two anyway unless I can get another book finished. Buddy has been restless at night so I think I’m going to start getting up and reading instead of trying to go back to sleep all the time and getting a headache. Anyhow right now I’m reading a few books or I should say I’ve started a few- Very Valentine by Adriana Trigiani in preparation for reading Brava Valentine for a tour. I’m also reading Faefever by Karen Marie Moning and I’m going to start The Forever Queen by Helen Hollick this week. I miss the days when Buddy kept me so occupied that I didn’t have time to read. It used to drive me crazy but now I’d give anything to have those days back. We always take those kinds of things for granted thinking they’ll always be there but the thing is they aren’t. I wish I had taken better advantage of those days and walked him more or played with him more.
So, that’s my week. I’m praying for Buddy to have a good week and those of you who have been praying with me I hope you’ll pray for this too. To all of you who have commented on Buddy and been keeping him and me in your thoughts and prayers – I thank you. It means more to me than I can convey in words. I wish my posts could be more upbeat and happy but for now this is the best I can do folks.
I don’t have a new picture of Buddy to share – he’s not too fond of having his picture taken anymore and to be honest I want you all to remember him happy. When he’s having a good day I’ll make sure to remember to get a picture – that wouldn’t be too bad. Anyhow here is one I took ages ago on my cell phone that’s one of my favorites. I keep it as my cell phone picture and I’ve always loved seeing his big tongue and brown eyes dominating the picture when I turn on my phone.
I hope you all have a good week and get lots of reading done!
© 2010, Darlene of Peeking Between the Pages. All Rights Reserved. If you’re reading this on a site other than Peeking Between the Pages or Darlene’s Feed, be aware that this post has been stolen and is used without permission.
Hi everyone, it’s been a long week and I haven’t been around too much. I hope this week will be better. I just thought I’d pop in and update a little…
I have a few draws that I need to get done and I’ll get to those tomorrow. I should have winners posted tomorrow night.
This past few weeks has been crazy. One of my uncles had a major stroke and luckily made it through. He has lost most of the use of his right side but his memory is thankfully intact and he’s a stubborn one so he’s determined to walk and do as much as he can. On a sadder note, another of my uncles who has been in a nursing home now for years passed away. His funeral is next week so needless to say it hasn’t been a very happy time in our home.
To top things off poor little Buddy got sick again. He wasn’t feeling well at all and had me worried. He woke up at the beginning of the week just shaking. I wrapped him up and cuddled him but it didn’t help so I took him into the vet. I guess this can happen with his illness when he’s in pain or just not feeling well. He perked up the next day and started eating a bit again so that was good. It’s hard to watch him go up and down like that. When he’s feeling good so do I; when he’s not — neither do I. It just tears me up. Thankfully right now he’s feeling better and I pray he’ll stay that way for a longer while this time.
Last week I was lucky and had posts ready for the whole week but I’m not so lucky this week. I have nothing done and I have a review that I’m just writing up tonight. So I’m not sure if I’ll have something to post every day this week or not – we’ll see how the week goes. I hope to visit a bit but again I’ll have to see how things go. I sure miss visiting everyone and knowing what was going on in everyone’s lives.
I did manage to get a pic or two of Buddy from his bath time so here you all go…
I hope everyone has a great week!
© 2010, Darlene of Peeking Between the Pages. All Rights Reserved. If you’re reading this on a site other than Peeking Between the Pages or Darlene’s Feed, be aware that this post has been stolen and is used without permission.
Morning everyone! I’m just settling in with my second cup of coffee after coming back from walking the Budster and trying to get him to eat. He’s none too interested today yet and we had to play the toss the food on the floor game again. What I wouldn’t give if he could just talk and tell me what he wanted. Then again, that’s one nice thing about pets – they can’t really talk back although Buddy does find other ways. lol.
On the reading front – well I’m in a reading slump. It doesn’t happen often but it’s happening. I just don’t feel like reading but I’m going to have to get my butt in gear because I have a bunch of tours coming up of some really good books. I just started How to Be an American Housewife by Margaret Dilloway for her book tour with TLC Book Tours and I’m not too far into it but it’s already intriguing me. So maybe this will be the book to get me back on track. I sure hope so!
Not much on the agenda for today. I haven’t been visiting blogs at all this weekend because I was very busy yesterday playing on my test blog to get the blog I picked to where I want it. I’m really beginning to have fun with the html code and getting things to work. The only thing that doesn’t seem to work for me is saving a template and then trying to download it on another blog. I don’t know why but it screws up every time. So I have a lot of work ahead of me when I download the new template and have to go back and fix all the things that I changed on the test blog but it’s ok because I actually enjoy it.
As for Buddy, he’s laying up on my shoulder right now checking out the neighborhood and making sure nothing happens that he doesn’t approve of. I gave him a haircut on Friday because he was just too hot in this weather and then he had his bath and smelled so good of baby shampoo. So I got a couple of pictures of him when he jumped up on the chair and buried himself under the pillow – he looks so cute!
So what’s everyone up to today? Did you do anything exciting this weekend? Whatever you’re doing I hope you’re having a great day and your week ahead is a good one!
